Getting Back on Track

Well it has been a little while since I have written anything on this blog of mine. The reason... Well, drama, drama, and more drama! Oh how that drama chases me. I have to take a step back, regroup, and refocus on MY priorities.

To run from all the drama, I decided to take a break from it all. The kids and I went on vacation for a couple of weeks. We camped at our property, visited the in-laws, and just had a fun easy-going couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I was flying solo; Mike had to stay home the first week because he couldn't get the time off from work, and the second week he flew to Wisconsin for business. So night time duties were a bit stressful, but other than that, we had a great time.

I have been neglecting myself... A LOT lately! I have not been making good food choices, exercising, or drinking enough water. I haven't even allowed myself 10 minutes of quiet to think! I can totally feel the difference. A few weeks ago I had more energy, better focus, and a positive mindset. Now I feel run down, scatter brained, and am feeling a bit defeated. I gained 2 pounds... I hate having to start over...ugh!

I have to find a way to not allow other peoples drama to affect me the way it does. When I say "other people", I mean people that are close to me and that I care about. Often I feel like I care more about them then they care about themselves. When I become too stressed out or worried, I have a tendency to shutdown. I have no motivation or focus. I just want to relax and do nothing. I know that this is not the healthy way to handle anything. A wonderful way of fighting off the "blues" is to exercise, but where do I find that initial motivation to get up and go?

The last couple of years I have started taking drastic measures and "weeding-out" many drama lifestyle ridden people, but lets face it, my extended family is one of the biggest culprits. I can't weed them out, I love them. I have set up a lot of boundaries though. Sometimes I feel like packing up and moving! (Insert scream here).

I know that I am not the only person out there that is struggling with this problem. How do you overcome these types of obstacles? I have to find a balance and stop allowing other peoples problems (which I have no control over and cannot help fix) affect my life. Any suggestions?

On that note... I have to set some goals for myself. I am going to make a menu and workout calendar. I am going to have my husband and my niece hold me accountable to my plan. I am going to start journal writing with the hope that it will help me stay focused and relieve stress. And I am going to loose those DAMN 2 pounds I gained!

I will prevail!! ;)

On a roll...

I am so excited! I was not only to meet my goals last week, but I lost an additional pound! YAY!
I know that every week will not be this amazing but I really like the way my progress is going so far! Seeing results is helping to keep me on track. Eight pounds down, that is eight pounds that I no longer have to worry about getting rid of.... bye-bye... FOREVER!

This week we will be having a house guest. My father-in-law will be visiting us. My family is so excited. The kids are literally jumping out of their skin; they can't wait to see Papa! Oddly, when I have house guests I usually eat better...Weird! but true... So I am not super concerned about my food choices this week; but I am concerned about my exercise routine. I guess I will have to improvise. If I plan on making this a life changing choice than I have to be ready for a "curve ball" or two...Right?

So goals for this week.... I want to loose 5 more pounds, exercise daily, take before pictures in my sports bra (YIKES), take body measurements, and post motivational sayings around my house.I have a lot of household projects to complete this week so I am confident that I will be able to stick to my goal plan. Boredom is my WORST enemy!

I do want to take a minute to thank all of the people who are supporting me in my journey to better physical and mental health! A big shout out to all of my "skinny bitches". Much love ladies!!!

Balance

Balance!?... Dare I say that word? This is my current obstacle. I know that everyone has busy lives. In fact, some people are WAY busier than I am and still have the ability to achieve a good balance between work, family, and taking care of themselves. I am currently struggling in this area.

Many of you know that I have a 15 month old, Chase. He is SO different than his sister was. He is extremely busy and determined. He climbs on everything! I swear if he makes it to the age of 2 without a trip to the ER it will be a miracle.

My daughter, Abagail, just turned 6. She is a goofy, fun spirited little girl; but lets face it, she is 6. She is a handful all of her own. She is experimenting with testing limits to see if her Dad and I will follow through with consequences, and wants to go and do things independently that I am not willing to let her do yet.

These two strong willed little turkey's wear me out! Not in a physical sense, but emotionally. I feel like I am constantly telling someone "No!" or counting to 3, or pulling Chase off of something. Not to mention that little evil word..."Why?". I try to be patient and actually answer "why", but lets face it, by the end of the day I want to SCREAM!!

So my truth is, my daughter goes to kindergarten at noon and my son usually goes down for a nap at noon too. Abbey is home at 3:30 and Chase usually sleeps until 2:30 or 3pm. So I have 2 whole hours that I could be devoting to working out almost everyday, but I just can't! I find myself trying to repair the damage on my house, (dishes, toys scattered, laundry, etc.), or just sitting and vegging. Sometimes I just feel like I cannot move!

Please do not misunderstand, I am not complaining. This is the life that I have chosen and I love it; and I do not question my choice for one second. But I have friends that have more children, a job, are involved with more activities, etc. and still manage to make the time for themselves. How do they get that kind of energy? Am I pooped out because of my weight? Is it just part of my personality? Or have I not made myself a priority yet? How do I achieve this balance? This is so frustrating!





Goals

I have to admit that today has been kind of a difficult day. I am a very emotional person and that is where my biggest weight loss problem begins. I am an emotional eater... Trying to learn a different way of "soothing" yourself when you are feeling; down, sad, upset, worried, nervous, etc. It is a very hard thing to "re-learn".
With that being said, I would like to focus on the positives today...

First and foremost, I want to give myself a GIANT pat on the back for reaching my goals that I put in place for myself last week. I lost my 2 pounds (YAY), walked everyday, and was able to get my "Paleo Diet" books. Hurray for baby steps!

I just started reading my books today and I have to admit that it has been a very interesting read thus far. I think that this nutritional plan might work for me. It is kind of exciting, but will be an interesting change.

So, this weeks goals: Finish reading the "Paleo Diet" and implement the teachings using the food that I currently have available in the house. On Friday, I will go grocery shopping (payday, lol) and buy all of the proper foods to continue on this new plan. I want to loose 5 pounds this week and walk 1 mile everyday.

Look out world, here I come!

Out and about....

Yesterday I finally got the opportunity to go and see my cousins, Jason and Rebekahs, new baby, Wilson. He is so stinkin' cute! He has got the softest lil' cheeks and the cutest lil' "wrinkled ol' man" face! I love it! I also got to see their first born, Hope. She is getting so big; giant big blue eyes, blonde hair, and full of personality. She is growing too big too fast! I really need to make it a point to get up there and see them more often. I have missed them. They are an inspiration.
While visiting I had the opportunity to discuss my new plan of action to take control of body, and concerns that I have. One of my main concerns is that I have a gluten intolerance. Not that it necessarily "concerns" me, but my education regarding "gluten" in general is not that great. I have always made meals that included some sort of pasta, bread, etc. So learning an entirely different way of purchasing food, cooking, and eating is a little intimidating and a bit overwhelming.
Jason and Rebekah are people who have already learned the value of taking care of their bodies and listened to my concerns. They also had some great advice. They suggested the "Paleo Diet" to me. I guess it is a diet that they use and have great success with it. It omits gluten and dairy (which my body does not agree with either) from your diet. I had heard of this diet before but never really knew what it was about. I just thought it was another fad. But this one sounds like it might be the right one for me or at least point me in the right direction.
So I have decided to take my friend Mandy's advice and make smaller goals that will contribute to my ultimate goal. (Thanks Mandy!) My goal for this week is to go to the library and research the Paleo Diet, continue not drink soda, to omit gluten (to the best of my current knowledge, to walk everyday and to loose at least 2 pounds. I only have a few days left of the current week. I'd better get crackin'! I can do this....right?

The Journey begins...

Well it has been 9 days since I have had a soda. That is HUGE for me! I really like soda and have a really hard time drinking water because it has no flavor. I have been adding lemon to it and having a little crystal lite in place of my precious diet pepsi. So far, so good!
I have also been gluten-free for 9 days! It has been really difficult. I LOVE breads and pasta! A while ago, I went and had a food allergy test done and found out that I needed to omit gluten from my diet. I have gone back and forth for a couple of months. It is a tough process; not so much because of the food you can't eat, but because gluten is in everything! It is so difficult to find things that do not contain gluten: chicken, lunch meat, etc have gluten in them (who knew?). It is also kind spendy. But I have to admit that I am feeling much better already. I have been taking a ton of vitamins and really paying attention to what I am putting into my mouth.
I have tried to loose weight and live a healthier lifestyle many times before, but I have always had an underlining thought in my head that it was "pointless" or that "it wasn't going to work" or have been joining someone else on "their" journey; but this time is different. I really feel positive about this experience I am embarking on. I am focused, determined, and I am doing it for me and nobody else.
Look out world...Here I come!

All About Me!

Well... I have finally reach "that" point. The point in your life where you finally have that "ah-ha" moment and realize that "you" are important and that you have been neglecting yourself all this time. Those of you who know me well, know that I have always been concerned with my weight and that over the years it has just seemed to spiral out of control.
I know that I am an emotional eater and I also know that I take on too many other peoples problems and pain. I can literally feel other peoples pain, sorrow, depression, and frustration. My heart aches and my head spins. I just want to "fix" it for them so they don't "hurt" anymore.
As of now... I weigh 100 pounds more than I did in high school (gulp). It is so hard to say those words out loud, let alone write them down for the world to see. It is not something that I am proud of and I do not feel comfortable in my own skin. Yet there is something comforting about actually saying it and getting out in the open.
These past couple of years have been really difficult on me. I have learned a lot about family, friends, and relationships. I have learned that you cannot change people, no matter how much you help them, they have to be the ones who want to change. It just enables them to make that change. I have learned that people I thought cared about me really didn't and ones that I thought didn't, actually did. I have found friendships in unlikely places and have found a comfort in not being "perfect".
I used to think that having my house emaculate, my children well-dressed, and having them in all sorts of activites meant that I was being a "good mom". I spent SO much time worring about EVERYONE else that I have totally forgotten about myself. Now my thoughts have completely changed in that matter. My house is messy (or as we call it "lived-in"), my daughter definitely has a style all her own, and my kids are involved in the things that "they" are interested in. I have made the realization that I need to take better care of myself. I need to set that example for my kids. They need to know that they need to be in the number one spot when it comes to priorities in their own lives. I need to set that example for them. I need to set that standard for myself.
I have finally made the decision to start putting myself first. Time to become comfortable in my own skin, time to let my personality shine, time to find myself again.
My journey to mental and physical health begins today, wish me luck!

Mega Millions

My husband and I are very blessed. We have two reliable cars that are paid for, two happy, healthy children, and we own our own home. We have never really been a "keep up with the Jones'" kind of family; but their are times when certain things look appealing and would be nice to have.

Mike and I are famous for having our, "if we won the mega millions" dream. Oooo... the things we would buy and do. Mike and I are car people so, of course, Mike would love a new truck (fully loaded). I would love a new SUV, probably a new Denali (fully loaded) and, of course, we would need a fancy sports car to drive on the weekends!
Our house is fine, a little small and could use a few updates, but fine. But if we won the lotto, look out! I envision a huge farm style house with a wrap around porch, 6 bedrooms, beautifully landscaped, and with all the luxuries of a fancy house.

It is nice to daydream and have a fun romance with a giant shopping spree to escape from the day-to-day craziness of life. But the fact remains, I am happy with my life! I am married to my soul mate. We have been together for 20 years now. I love my kids; they are happy, healthy, and smart. I am blessed to be able to stay home with them and love and guide them. Help out in their classes and see all of their "firsts". We do struggle financially but, to my husband and I, it is worth it.

We could have a bigger house and fancier cars if I went to work.



But when I am dead and gone, I can't take any of that with me. The best things in my life aren't things at all. It is my family and all of the memories that we make and share.

Luxuries

I woke up this morning, and it began the same as any other morning. The baby was crying in his room and Abbey was in my face complaining that she was “starving”. I made Chase a bottle and began to make my daughter Eggos, the breakfast of champions! LOL.  I then went back into the bedroom and changed Chase’s diaper; now he was good to go. I heard the toaster “pop” and ran into the kitchen to put the fixings on my daughter’s gourmet meal…. then I heard it the dreaded sound of splashing water. NO! I looked down the hall and my fear had been confirmed. The baby way playing in the toilet! Abbey had left the door open after she had used it. I ran down the hall, pleading and praying that the toilet had been flushed; and that I wouldn’t find my precious baby boy happily playing in pee water or worse. As I reached the bathroom, I found my son splashing in the toilet, having a blast! Thank the lord my daughter had flushed! As I tore him away from the potty, telling him “no-no” and “yucky” he decided to throw the fit of a lifetime. How dare I not let him play in disgusting germ infested water! Meanest mom EVER! After sanitizing him from head-to-toe and getting him dressed for the day, it was time for him to eat breakfast.

I headed back into the kitchen and whipped up another amazing gourmet meal for my son. I paused for a second, to breathe, and realized that I may actually have a moment to make a cup of coffee and “wake up” a little. I started the water and waited patiently for the teapot to notify me of its completion. Upon its notification I poured my, much needed, cup of coffee and actually thought that I might be able to sit down for a moment. As soon as my butt hit the couch, my son began to yell. He, of course, was done with his meal. With an eye roll, I got back up and took care of the needs of my youngest. I washed his hands and face and then cleaned up his disastrous mess. Suddenly I got the urge….

In the midst of all the morning mayham, I hadn’t used the restroom yet. For those of you out there who have had children, you can sympathize with me in the fact that you can only “hold it” for so long before it becomes an emergency. LOL I made my way down to the restroom. My son realized where I was headed and decided to race me to my destination. I ran down the hall and shut the door. I dropped my jammies to my knees and sat down quickly to relieve myself. I was quickly reminded that I had forgotten to clean up my sons “water mess” from his earlier escapade. Oh well… it was too late now. Chase was already at the door crying and yelling “ma-ma” and Abbey had already opened the door twice to ask some EXTREMELY important question that definitely could not have waited until my two minute use of the bathroom was complete…. Just another day in paradise!

Out of all of the luxuries in this world I never thought that I would long for the day when I could use the bathroom in peace and quiet. Something I definitely took for granted before I had children…..